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"Who?" said the booming female voice at the other end of the phone. When I identified myself as someone who had been referred to her to help her move into her Assisted Living apartment,she replied, "Moving? I'm not moving! Who told you that?"
Later, when I finally met Amelia, I understood what had happened. At 80+ and in very poor health, widowed, alone and suffering from mild memory loss, she was distrustful of talking to a stranger on the phone. Later, after some coaxing from the Director of her new senior community, Amelia agreed to meet with me.
Arriving at her home, I noted the overgrown front yard and peeling paint. This lady needed help. Although wobbly in her walker, at 85, Amelia was still a stunner: tall and stately, with beautiful skin, lovely hair and a very young,voice. I would never have taken her for a senior on the phone.
As we visited, she shared her amazing story of how, just out of high school,she had moved all alone from Manhattan to the West Coast during WWII. She got a room at the San Francisco YWCA and within days, got a good job at a local company as a bookkeeper. A few weeks later, she met her husband to be at a USO dance and although they were happily married for 60+ years, had never had children.
Her beloved "Mike" had passed away a few years before. Now she was alone, no family, most friends gone, no nieces or nephews, disabled and living in a cluttered and dusty multi-level home which was also in great disrepair. Too many stairs, too much furniture, dust bunnies run amok and kitchen counters filled with stuff she just didn't have the strength or energy to put away. She wasn't a hoarder, she was just overwhelmed. Although she did get visits from a local volunteer group, she also admitted that she was very lonely and bored and really loved to be around other people.
I see this all too often. Seniors who have always been proud of their resourcefulness and independence, who are suddenly hit with loss, and find it hard to admit they need help and even harder to ask for it. It made me sad to think that this courageous and adventurous lady had now come to this. I was so glad that I would be a part of moving her to not only a safe but also happier situation in her new assisted living apartment.
As I looked through her dusty and cluttered home to determine the scope of a possible move, Amelia casually mentioned that her TV had just gone "on the blitz" that very afternoon. Looking at it, I was surprised it had lasted as long as it did! It was a Zenith and at least 30yrs old! "Do you have another TV?" I asked. "No", she said.
Seniors,particularly those with mobility issues, rely on TV as human contact as well as entertainment. I couldn't bear the thought of Amelia being without her TV.
I made a quick decision."Would you like me to buy you a new TV today?", I asked. "No charge for my time," I said. "Just reimburse me for the actual purchase price of the TV."
A few hours later I arrived with her new TV, having got, in my opinion the best deal in town, at a cost she had agreed upon in advance. As I installed it, I noted there was no safety GFI in her home. This is always a concern with seniors - unsafe electrical and out of date wiring. In a stroke of luck, I actually found a surge protector in the house and made sure that her TV ,at least, was safe to run.
As I left, I turned to assure Amelia that I would make her move to her new apartment as easy as possible. She replied that she wasn't sure she was really ready, but she'd let me know.
I get very worried about Amelia and others like her. I fear that if she waits too long, she will fall or have some other medical setback that will change her options altogether- and not for the better. Unfortunately, I see this happening all the time.
I was glad that I had at least been able to get her a TV. I hope she decides to move to her new apartment where I know she will be safe, happy and with new friends to look out for her. That is the least I could wish for such a brave lady who came all the way West, by herself so many years ago, to find a new life.
So if you have an elderly neighbor whom you rarely see, gets few visitors and whose front yard is overgrown, chances are they need some help, just like Amelia. Ring the bell and see what you can do to help. You might just meet one of our Greatest Generation who has an inspiring story to tell.
